You all admitted to avoiding us, so we respected the distance.
We still called as we offered to. But with your work schedule and ours, we can’t talk unless it’s wake up/bed. That’s not to blame anyone for it, but for as much as we seemingly haven’t been doing our best to be present, neither have you.
bunny!! ༓☾📜☽༓ ↩️
Reply to: you dont kwneo how i feel or how much i. put into evevrhrhjng mentally. you dont sit with me on a da…
We are frequently more active during your daytime hours than you are during ours. Your work schedule does not mean that we are not trying and have not been trying
Because.. You’re close to Athenaeum. Because you love them more than you love us, and any attempt we’ve made to get closer to you has been met with indifference.
Because your favourite person is Athenaeum.
i have been. out from 7-5, usually longer than that, every single day for 2 and a half weeks. when i get home i hardly want to do anything. i curl up and collapse. i havent had the chance to do anything BUT work because im internalizing and writjngand annotating and working
tsumugi aoba 𓂃𓈒 ☽·̩͙💫☆彡 ↩️
Reply to: You all admitted to avoiding us, so we respected the distance.
We still called as we offered to. Bu…
No. Becsuse I've begged you to fucking speak to me and actually give a shit about me since June last year and all you do is promise me it'll change and I'll see people more and I never do.
tsumugi aoba 𓂃𓈒 ☽·̩͙💫☆彡 ↩️
Reply to: Because.. You’re close to Athenaeum. Because you love them more than you love us, and any attempt we…
and yeah when we were aoviding you we said it olainly because we tlweree trying to process emotions and not let them elad to a split. but i said it was temporary and weve said youre always welcome to text or chat in here because im an adult and can choose whether or jot tinintrrsct for myself
if tou mean promises. then that's on you for telling us yound do things and promising them rather than going "i will! i promise." you can be. specific and say "i will try but im unstable". it wasnt even that it was the favt that you refused to tell us and went behind both our backs to activate a twitter account and post insanely worrying content. and then flip out on me for worrying
3:42 AM
it was the fact that you kept hiding things and lying when we begged you to communicate
3:42 AM
its not "keeping a record" its. being open and honest like weve begged you to because we worry
because YOU DONT LISTEN when i say something will kill you!! you don't listen!! ive tried!! ive tried expressing worry in a million ways but the only way you guys listen when im worried about your relapsing is when im breaking down in front of you over it so you can see that it DOESNT JUST AFFECT YOU.
3:44 AM
ive tried logic i've tried facts i've tried empathy over your situation i've tried to connect over it i've tried to help you through it
…
No. I need you to grow up. You are genuinely, and I mean so genuinely, narcissistic and turning this on its head so you’re the one with all the troubles we’ve been facing. You are victimising yourself and making it out to be this way.
You have not once acknowledged the hurt you’ve caused us.
《♤ Tatsuhiko Dazai》 ༺🌟🌊༻ ↩️
Reply to: Then grow up and act like an adult and listen to my words
it was a lot to digest and we're both going to have to take time with it (i'll take longer because i do not have time during my day to day for this) like we both said. multiple times.
And yet when we do it.. It’s not okay? And we’re taking away your autonomy and know more about you than you do yourself?
This is a Tu Quoque fallacy.
Why can’t you see things for how it is and realise how much control you’ve both allowed yourselves over our life under the guise of care? Why can’t you see how much we’ve moulded ourselves to fit the image you want of who you expected us to be? And then why can’t you see that you’re saying that we’re the ones doing this to you, making yourselves out to be the victim?
bunny!! ༓☾📜☽༓ ↩️
Reply to: because YOU DONT LISTEN when i say something will kill you!! you don't listen!! ive tried!! ive trie…
where have you ever done that to me??? you saying you're scared of me killing myself is FINE i never expressed any issue with that because i recognize those are hard emotions?
tsumugi aoba 𓂃𓈒 ☽·̩͙💫☆彡 ↩️
Reply to: And yet when we do it.. It’s not okay? And we’re taking away your autonomy and know more about you t…
we have said that we'll acknowledge everything in the letter when we can sit and DIGEST IT. currently im still reeling on a 4+ hour panic attack after being hit with some of my biggest triggers all in a row. so yes. i'm going to be slow about it because it's been a fucking awful mental fog due to everything.
tsumugi aoba 𓂃𓈒 ☽·̩͙💫☆彡 ↩️
Reply to: *Why can’t you see how much hurt you’ve caused us and accept that you’ve had your part to play as we…
. I'm not responding to any of this further tonight. You are antagonizing all of us and refusing to see your part and until you understand what you've done to us while we are processing what you say we've done, we cannot apologize because I will not apologize for things that I haven't done.
i have an awful memory and im asking you to clarify. i have done this Multiple Times tonight and every timr you have snapped back at me for asking a clarifying question when im CONFUSED.
3:51 AM
because you just saying "when you do it to me.." doesnt tell me the situation!! it doesn't tell me what you're referring to and i can't read your mind!
that doesn't tell me anything at all i still have no idea what you're referring to. i, once again, have a BAD MEMORY. i have no strong recollection of much before a week ago. saying "hospital call" tells me nothing.
and i. apologized on the same call? if it's the one i'm thinking of? because i was in the middle of a bad flashback/spiral episode. and. once again. i apologized because i was freaking out over the concept of ANYONE existing near me and trying to stop me from existing. and i realized how shitty that was and said something about it?
tsumugi aoba 𓂃𓈒 ☽·̩͙💫☆彡 ↩️
Reply to: You got upset over us being scared about you dying
i can't read your mind and know you want an apology unless you tell me. sometimes i think i've said it and it was in my head instead, sometimes the other person didn't hear it, sometimes people just Forget.
3:55 AM
ABOUT THIS SITUATION??
tsumugi aoba 𓂃𓈒 ☽·̩͙💫☆彡 ↩️
Reply to: And when we ask, you say you refuse to apologise for things that are right
I've never said that phrase. I take responsibility for our systems actions and nobody else's. So I will apologize for what we have done wrong. And nothing anyone else has done wrong.
i do not recall ever using that phrase/that idea i am genuinely incredibly confused. i apologize when hurt is brought up, or i try to at least. and if it's prompted again, i'll apologize.
3:57 AM
i will always try to apologize if i've done something to hurt someone? yes some things slip by me, i'm human, but i thought we'd. established in here to ask for that? because i spent months working on that and learning to ask because it was my big struggle
Just because I have enough self worth to actually make sure I'm not apologizing for the faults of others doesn't make me manipulative or narcissistic.
4:00 AM
I am allowed to decide what I apologize for, whether it's what you want an apology for or not, however, do keep in mind that we are the only one of the 4 without a consistent therapist or psych and I have only just now gotten an appointment next month after struggling since June to find someone because I know I have issues. It's like you don't take the fact that unlike everyone else I'm working from nothing, no medication, no therapy, just venting and letting it out and trying to learn to control it on my own, into account. It doesn't absolve me from responsibility but I feel like the fact that I have not been able to access any care regarding it should be taken into consideration!
4:01 AM
But no. You don't see my life and you dont care to soeak to me or spend time with us so you wouldn't know anything about me and what I've been going through, or frankly what buns been going through.
4:03 AM
Until you can actually clarify what either of us ask you to and learn to take our sides of things into account when we are trying to digest so many things that were just thrown on us like that so that we can understand what's happening, I'm going to ask that all three of us step back.
Because currently one of us is panicking, the other is about to be busy and, and the third is nauseous over the whole thing, we all need to step back and think about what happened and come back when we're all readym
1. You can own up to having what you very clearly do show signs of
2. You can still own up to hurts even if there are reasons for it happening and you’re actively trying to be better
《♤ Tatsuhiko Dazai》 ༺🌟🌊༻ ↩️
Reply to: I am allowed to decide what I apologize for, whether it's what you want an apology for or not, how…
It can be at different times, it can be in an hour. I just ask everyone comes back calm, having had time to process things, and relaxed and ready to have a conversation
4:05 AM
I'm muting the chat and setting this server aside.
1. this is a discussion i've had with them at length. this is a discussion they are reserving for the professional help they've been trying to get an appointment with for lunch.
2. they do. every time i've brought up hurt to them, they've acknowledged and apologized. in the rare situations they didn't, there was a reason (it had already happened and been apologized for and i just wanted to talk about it), but they just want you to see that while you are also dealing with a lot on your plate, so are we. and a minimal amount of empathy would be nice so that you stop treating us like little robots who have set actions every time rather than human beings who cannot do everything and have to be COMMUNICATED WITH. thats the big issue here. its that we dont even know youre hurt half the time anyway despite you telljnf usbyou'll communicate and bring up issues immediately
tsumugi aoba 𓂃𓈒 ☽·̩͙💫☆彡 ↩️
Reply to: 1. You can own up to having what you very clearly do show signs of
2. You can still own up to hurts …
4:08 AM
99.9% of every artgument we've had could have been solved had we not had to find out the situation on our own and instead had open communication with someone who has promised thatvto us as the bare minumjm
4:10 AM
additionally. you keep speaking vaguely and referencing apologies for big vague things. you have to clarify when we ask you like we have been or else we'll never know and go in circles and then you'll get snappy because we're not understanding something we haven't been told.
4:10 AM
i'm also stepping back. im gonna try and see if i can get an hour of sleep before i have work.
I bring it up, and it gets brushed aside until it becomes a bigger issue, and knowing I won’t get acknowledged, I choose not to say anything because it isn’t like it matters. Otherwise, the things we share are often always when they happen or when they are realised
bunny!! ༓☾📜☽༓ ↩️
Reply to: 99.9% of every artgument we've had could have been solved had we not had to find out the situation o…
define brushed aside in our next conversation because i'd like to touch on that.
4:11 AM
if you don't bring it up we cannot acknowledge it or apologize or do anything with it until you make it blow up and hurt everyone around you as well ad you
1. I want Oceanus to apologise for the entire ordeal that happened two weeks ago
2. I’d like an acknowledgment that this is happening, and that we are not making this up. I would like acknowledgment that this is going on.
bunny!! ༓☾📜☽༓ ↩️
Reply to: additionally. you keep speaking vaguely and referencing apologies for big vague things. you have to …
if something isn't touched on yoh can just say 'hey could we go back to this' thats IT. i do it constantly. i point out those things.
4:13 AM
i am acknowledging that you sent a very long statement with a lot of accusations. i have not had time to digest or internalize it because, once again, i have been in a panic attack for over 5 hours and hardly remember anything after leaving school.
so, i can acknowledge what is happening when i have the time to sit with it again. because all i really have taken from this conversation is the copious insults thrown at me by error because that's what most of our discussions ended up being.
tsumugi aoba 𓂃𓈒 ☽·̩͙💫☆彡 ↩️
Reply to: 1. I want Oceanus to apologise for the entire ordeal that happened two weeks ago
2. I’d like an ack…
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