

this time, he blatantly repeated βcut your hand againβ to aurelio, toast, and i while we were all cutting our hair and aurelio had slipped and nicked their hand. when toast and i mentioned how harmful that was to us all due to our histories of harm, he. left the friend group server. like he does every time he is avoiding us.
i do not ever want to say it to his face, but this specific behavior is what l-ca would do.



He is taking my help and is going to apologize to Aesop, Toast, and Aurelio.
we are too deep in side effects of our new meds to give a shit. he can wallow.




heβs wild. aurelio and i were discussing how he would ask insanely invasive questions of me, as well as glorify addictions.
he mentioned having a thing. for lactation. and then asked me about it in terms of my children. rather often.
and to think, he was the first person i had told about ephraim.



heβs actively, right now, trying to make light of graceβs death. iβm so fucking tired.



i almost want to find lucaβs angry final essay and compare the two.
we tend to watch owl house during those times. with shin finally gone, he cannot dictate my interests like before. so we have been slowly working our way through the show.
it was 70° before i changed it yesterday.

it was worth offering.
(/j)
if i get called a bot by chris iβll kill him and then myself /hj

the phrasing was funny but also oh my god are you good??



on top of it the fucking cramps from our procedure are back and i wanna die a little bit
i wish i could tell him outright to not worry about how he feels. shin ruined his confidence so terribly and it upsets me.
we specified that we needed our antidepressants, they got lost because of shawn, she said it was fine. but she filled our anxiety medicine instead. and now we have about 150+ doses of the anxiety medicine instead.
i apologize for complaining, but my god.
/lh



everyone is okay, as far as i can see. aure and toast are having bad days, i checked on the former. and i know oceanus is busy with their ps. they are also near atlanta and need to be safe, what with military and police unrest.
at me. (it was entirely off topic of m. teleny but i froze for a moment)

i still feel bad.
i just want to not feel like this. it is selfish.
I only had to ask what theyβre doing before they remembered.



i was afraid to set things back because i could not attend today, but it is working out decently.
i may not get to see joseph today, but i do get friend time once mika goes to sleep tonight. i hope. i was told so, anyway.
i should not have to do this. it would be fine if they said they had other things to do/changed their mind.
it should not be much longer, thankfully.
toast is not doing well and i did not know.
but i do have another migraine and am just lucky they are not loud like oceanus or mika.
we sat in silence for the lastβ¦what, 50 minutes?
i wish it were less complicated to just. i do not know. make friends that stick. it does not help that i have been so terribly worried for joseph, i have not seen or properly spoken to him in a good few weeks, and aurelio (jokingly, but still) called him a bitch.
it worried me more, i suppose.
i hope that having our meds back improves my mood at least a bit. it certainly is not improving the headaches. /lh
oh my god.





I AM I SWEAR I JUST RHINK THE MEDS ARE HITTING
everything hurts bro weβve not done this much physical activity in YEARS
we are in the four floor barnes & noble.
and now i am booksitting for aure. please, the b&n stereotype is hitting me. free me.
never getting dunkinβ again.
dazai please, i am far from hungry.
yeah, no, we get supper in an hour.
we eat like shit at home anyway, but at least we do not live on coffee.

they always do this to joseph and i.
though almost all of yesterday was very planned.
and that does not make my annoyance with dazai any better, as he has been here for so long and has not tried to help aurelio whatsoever with this. rather, he makes it worse with his own source trauma, and refuses to try waking anyone else to take primary.
i do not know. i have been asleep almost the entire day today.
i am so tired.
it is not their place to tell me what i can and cannot do with my system.


i am terrified of being spoken of behind my back.
emote. which i hate. it makes me nervous.




i mentioned being essentially bedbound from pain and they started to fuss.
i cannot so much either, she is already feeling bad for wanting to just. watch source.
bro.
do you think shawn would be willing to grab them before he leaves town. we havenβt had them in a few days.
i hate doctors.
iβm gonna sneeze and itβs gonna hurt
i feel so awful.







i am speaking with them about some of the things i had been worried about, and they demanded that they make it up to me for missing my birthday, especially with how bad the letter was.



Claudia answer the question.
i rarely curse, dazai, let me joke. you harass me about my shame and hate when i let it down?

it did not even taste good, which bothers me a little. /lh
it was a very dense chocolate, i do not know how to describe that? it felt heavy to taste, if that makes sense.
Tatsu I love you, but Iβm afraid. β¨


I hate it here. I love her, sheβs my partner, and I still love Dazai. I canβt just walk away.
just one of those nights. it has entirely been triggered by outside forces, and. i really need to tell joseph my lore. ha, lore, my trauma. with jerry, and bane, and with ephraimβs βdeathβ.



it is just a silly little trauma day.
they help me a lot, especially stupid cats.





Iβm being pissy and trying to figure out what to do with Aesop.
What am I supposed to DO.
Itβs been shitty ever since.





i joke about babysitting a lot, but i didnβt think iβd actually babysit. /lh
but heβs actually helping me now.
ils n'arrêtent pas d'en parler.
at her. sheβs half tempted to speak english again just to offer advice.
and apparently our platelet count is a little higher than is normal, but thatβs a common side effect of stress and lack of sleep. the google search did NOT say that at first though. /lh
more theatrum shit, letβs see if itβs entirely them or ath/oceanus being dicks.


awful, no no no.
they seem to act like i am your keeper.
i am sorry for bothering you with all this.
Yeah right. /Lh







i will be here if you need anything.
scary bad bad.
Gonna cozy up and play source fr
comforting a friend during a power outage.
Just. Such a shitty week and itβs only Tuesday.
Hopefully Kaveh can let us sleep now.

Man I hate this shit
It picked it out on Oceanus real fast, but not the other two



I said Iβd chatter with other introjects if they needed a familiar face and this other sys said they had the mc. The dude Iβm a lil scared of bc of source mems









keep it up and it'll be done in no time


















I hate it here.





But noooo, thatβs another boundary they never addressed with us.
shhhhutthefuckup
No more. Iβm going to play source and sit with Calli.