athenieades caeli castle

and i have said that i am calm multiple times. i am not angry. my delivery may have been harsh but i am not angry. if anything, i am closer to just feeling empty. so i am sorry that i appeared angry, because i know that is a really big trigger. i didn’t mean to hurt you with that. i understand discomfort stemming from trauma. i understand needing to step back because of it. i advocate for that. but if that was the reason, you need to just say it upfront so it ends there. reasons nondescript that don’t need to be explained followed by something specific that is pointed out in a way that points directly at me, only to finally get to this point where it is because you are uncomfortable because of your trauma when that wasn’t immediately mentioned and could never have come up contextually because i am fully convinced that i am not angry but i was not directly being told that it was discomforting, just doesn’t add up. you talk about communication, and i agree that that’s a really important thing to do. but communicating things like this directly to your partner is really important if you need to stop a conversation. playing charades and hoping i understand the context of why you need to step back and assuming i’d be able to put you telling me i seemed upset and then you needing to leave because the conversation wasn’t calm is so? convoluted? i am not putting blame on you for it because speaking up can be hard, but getting to this point just. doesn’t feel fair.

i am not responding to your apology because frankly this entire conversation still has me panicking. you have stated that you are calm, but continue to use language that provokes and continue to point fingers. i do not want you to argue this point. your delivery showed me that you were NOT calm and thus not rational.

1:55 AM

you did NOT have to respind past me stepping back

1:56 AM

i told you the Only Thing that was relevant to you.

1:56 AM

you choosing to push the vague ones until i break and explain my trauma frankly hurts.

1:56 AM

i said what i meant to and i have done this many many times before. i do not like bringing myself up in vents.

1:56 AM

i am muting your channel and stepping back. you will eventually get a response to your 10page message

1:57 AM

for now, however. i think it is better if we put a "pause" on things and take a step back from this relationship. you seem to see me as a narcissistic abuser. so be it. hurting my partners is one of my worst fears, as i've mentioned and broken down about frequently, so i'm sure you'll understand me stepping back and taking a break from our relationship.

1

fine.

i can give you further explanation and clarity on this in the morning. but it is 2am, and i have to be up in three hours.

1:58 AM

so i am taking my leave.

bunny!! ༓☾📜☽༓ ↩️

Reply to: i am muting your channel and stepping back. you will eventually get a response to your 10page messa…

1:59 AM

i am clarifying that i am not asking to break up, unless you choose to do so. i am telling you that i need to step back from this relationship, maybe temporarily, especially with claims as serious as these.

i do not want to be in a relationship where my thoughts and understanding aren’t recognised past what you want it to be. i shouldn’t be fighting for the bare minimum and then being made to retract to avoid conflict.

1:59 AM

i will take a break.

2:00 AM

i need to rethink all of this.

i have told you that i am not responding to your message yet, and i am stepping back.

that includes oceanus.

that is your own decision. i made mine.

I will be taking a break. You have refused to listen to me and insist that I have no idea what i am doing and have not bothered to see what I am doing to fix it and instead focus on the fact that I hurt you without thinking to reflect on how you hurt me as well. You treat us as children that cannot process anything but frankly you are acting as if you are the person you think we are in this situation. No, It's not treating you like a child to say that you are doing exactly what you say we are doing and are antagonizing us further. Every fight has two sides and you could bear to see this one from ours. I'm stepping back and taking a break from you, pleiades, and won't be responding until I've finished my contemplations about this situation. Goodbye.

venom, and this will be censored because this is, in fact, an angry message. don’t read it if you’re in a bad state. i don’t want to spur anything further. i know you’re tired and so am i. and i sincerely hope you enjoyed being the hero in your delusional story, where it’s all black and white and you simply must not be in the wrong. you must feel so good making that final farewell and having the last say before turning your back. ruffle your own feathers more, why don’t you. you really, really enjoy making it about yourselves. i can honestly say all the same things to you, because never once have you even tried to see the story from mine. ever. not since the start of this relationship. you want it all to be about how you perceive things. meanwhile, i have to beg for acknowledgment. ive taken plenty of time to think about the hurt i caused and wrote a whole thing to acknowledge it, and that tells me you didn’t bother to acknowledge it, split or not. also, you never once acknowledged what you said and did, oceanus. don’t project your own faults onto the other person. that’s just sad. i’m done. i’ve made my choice. i’m exhausted. i will not leave because i still want proper acknowledgement for how i feel about it all, but this break will continue indefinitely until i know i will be seen as my own person and actually be treated accordingly. if you don’t want to actually own up to things that i’ve been feeling and give me a safe space to properly talk about why things happened and then let me properly apologise for the wrongs i’ve caused, then consider this relationship over. i am not your doormat.

you telling me not to read it doesn't change that that is a message out of pure malice and spite that serves to do nothing but hurt us both. which tells me just how you feel about us.

blue ↩️

Reply to: venom, and this will be censored because this is, in fact, an angry message. don’t read it if you’re…

2:20 AM

don't respond. i'm not saying anything further. just that.

2:22 AM

i don't know who you are but whoever it is. you've been a dick this entire time. so i needed that out of my mouth i will probably not respond for a few days as i hope your anger subsides and i can properly internalize my own emotions to respond, and try not to grow more upset at the way a lot of this was approached.

and so i guess it’s your turn to use a trigger against me, when i’ve also mentioned that before. about how things said in anger are intentional and meant. i suppose we’re on even ground now.

clarify. i'm not following.

2:23 AM

i follow up until 'how things in anger are intentional and meant' how did i use that trigger against you?

bunny!! ༓☾📜☽༓

you telling me not to read it doesn't change that that is a message out of pure malice and spite that serves to do nothing but hurt us both. which tells me just how you feel about us.

.

2:24 AM

you telling me not to read it doesn't change that that is a message out of pure malice and spite that serves to do nothing but hurt us both. which tells me just how you feel about us.

that does not explain anything. i am still not following and cannot properly respond until you use your words and explain the thing i have told you i am confused about.

it is right in front of you.

Clearly it's not

you are showing me my own message and not explaining the sentence you said that confused me.

Fucking explain it or get someone who will.

that is a message out of pure malice and spite that serves to do nothing but hurt us both. which tells me just how you feel about us.

i am asking you to clarify because I DO NOT FOLLOW.

Explain with your own words and not ours.

yes. it tells me you wanted to hurt me. it tells me you wanted to use that anger to hurt us. because otherwise you would not have posted it.

blue ↩️

Reply to: that is a message out of pure malice and spite that __serves to do nothing but hurt us both. which t…

if i wanted to hurt you, i would have not censored it.

how on earth is me saying "you using hurtful language agaisnt me just shows me that this was done purely to hurt me and not for any other reason"

if i wanted to hurt you, i would have lied and said horrible things.

if you wanted me not to be hurt you wouldn't have said those fucking words.

2:26 AM

spoiling does not absolve you of using those words specifically against us. especially when they were DIRECTED at us.

i wanted you not to be hurt but i needed to let it out because you guys are insufferable and are digging your own graves

your intentions of "not hurting us" go out the door when you direct the messages at us.

2:27 AM

holy fucking shit. insufferable?

blue ↩️

Reply to: i wanted you not to be hurt but i needed to let it out because you guys are insufferable and are dig…

2:27 AM

who am i speaking to.

2:27 AM

answer. now.

yeah. you’re fucking insufferable.

Answer.

2:28 AM

Who are you.

i don’t know who i am. but you both are exhausting, and everyone else in this system is going to fawn and suck up to you both.

Well figure it out

figure it out or leave

then admit that your egos are atrocious

2:28 AM

i’m tired

I want to know who the fuck is insulting and hurting my partner to the fact that they've been in an active panic attack for 3 going on 4 hours because you can't see your own actions

2:28 AM

Tell me who you are. Now.

2:29 AM

I'm not admitting shit until you tell me who you are.

tell toast i love him. but im blocking your account until it's not you because i'm not going to sit here and be triggered and insulted while i'm trying to actually continue the conversation only to be met with venom.

《◇ Ajax Kiselyov-Winter•°𓇼⋆》 ༺🌟🌊༻

I want to know who the fuck is insulting and hurting my partner to the fact that they've been in an active panic attack for 3 going on 4 hours because you can't see your own actions

you’re a fucking loser

get OUT OF FRONT

2:29 AM

I DONT KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE. BUT GET. OUT.

Oh I don't care what you call me

blue ↩️

Reply to: you’re a fucking loser

no. not until you stop hurting us and making it about yourselves.

Tell me who you are and then get someone who isn't a fucking persecutor

2:29 AM

I'm not going to speak to you

2:30 AM

So if you won't leave until "we stop hurting you" then I will not be speaking to you

calling me a persecutor is wiiild from someone who claims that all alters have to be treated with respect. you sound like aesop.

You are making this one sided and not allowing any discuss I pn

《◇ Ajax Kiselyov-Winter•°𓇼⋆》 ༺🌟🌊༻

You are making this one sided and not allowing any discuss I pn

says you lol

2:30 AM

your ego is through the riof

2:30 AM

you’re so full of yourself.

2:30 AM

seriously.

2:30 AM

it’s annoying.

Error.

you were the ones who said you needed to step back, why are you still here

Get out.

2:31 AM

Now.

2:31 AM

Because you are INSULTING MY PARTNWR

you guys are immature as hell

So get out and get someone else

no one else wants to talk.

If you're the grown up one here then do the right thing and get so.eone else

everyone is scared of you both. no one wants to say it because it hurts you and you make a big deal about it.

THEN MAKE SOMEONE

blue ↩️

Reply to: no one else wants to talk.

no. not when they’re all scared.

I don't fucking care if they're scared now you get out of front and put so.eone else here

2:32 AM

Then tell me who you are.

2:32 AM

Now.

2:32 AM

I don't believe you

blue ↩️

Reply to: no. not when they’re all scared.

what, wanna hear it from them?

2:33 AM

want them to all tell you they’re scared?

Anyone that isn't you and I wany you out of front before anyone else speaks

stop it stop it stop it stop it.

2:33 AM

dont say it like that dont say it like that

You're doing nothing g but fucking antagonizing both of us just to prove you're right

2:33 AM

Go ahead

2:33 AM

Tell me to my face

2:34 AM

I'll tell lumine to suck my dick, I'm not afraid

2:35 AM

If you're going to show blatant disrespect for my system and their system then I want to hear it from someone who actually might really give a shit and might not be some random ass alter who won't disclose their identity and could potentially be a fucking nasty ass persecutor who's trying to ruin everythinf.